Nightmares in hospital & Jeremy Hunt’s NHS Human Centipede!

Nightmares in hospital & Jeremy Hunt’s NHS Human Centipede!

Blog May

Well I’ve had a bad week. Admitted as an emergency to Hospital for important Cardiac surgery…. And that was only part 1! The second part of the operation is even bigger. But I am not here to bludgeon you with my history and problems, dear readers, this is a site about horror and the influences behind my Tapeworm Slim 1 & 2 stories.

The great thing about being a horror fan in hospital is it offers you a fantastic sense of humour whilst scaring the sh*t out of you at the same time. I have truly had my worst panic attacks in hospital and these are something that, even at the tender age of 40, I am still enduring. This time, when I went for surgery it was a flashback to the time where I was still awake and they were prepping the tools and covering me with antiseptic which inspired my book. Yet again this happened and, although everyone in the hospital was amazing, I could hardly breathe as I was still awake, naked and had about five people around me tampering with metal knives and odd tubes!

I have a pathological fear of hospitals yet, paradoxically, I love them! I think that duality of weirdness was what got me working in one like I do at the moment!!!!!!!!!!!

I always think of hospitals from horror films when I am admitted. Heiter performing surgery in The Human Centipede, Freddy “Well it ain’t Doctor Seuss” in Elm Street 4, the infamously deleted Cenobite scene in Hellraiser 2, the Silent Hill nurses and countless more which I have seen over the years.

Blog May 2

In this country there is a lot of worry about the health service. There are concerns that we are facing privatisation from an omnivorous Tory government and that the service can no longer cope.

Utter crap. Its an amazing service.

Now I wont preach here, because this is not about last week, but the amount of hard work and care I received was amazing. Our NHS simply needs funding not cutting. I could now write a 50000000000000 word dissertation on the political abuse of our hospitals but I am not going to. Not today anyway.

This blog comes in two stages. First part serious and about the book. Second part a little more light hearted!

So where was I? Oh yes the serious part, hospital panic attacks! Marvellous things because there is so much inspiration in them! Much of Tapeworm Slim is set inside a private clinic/research facility and this comes from three aspects of hospital issues.

Firstly is the isolation and trust you place in surgeons when they operate. You give them 100% faith and The Facility where Scarseed unwittingly tortures her 8 subjects comes from this trust as they are all her own NHS patients when she recruits them from the ward.

The second aspect is privatisation. The Facility is owned by a billionaire owner of an insidious company and what goes on behind those walls are all at his design. My fears about hospitals going into those hands percolates throughout the book.

Thirdly is the procedures themselves. The things we go through to be healthy. Anyone who has had surgery knows about the scars, pain and recovery which can affect your whole life and this too permeates the entire depth of the book once the Tapeworms go beyond the control of the endocrinology which is supposed to control them.

Its funny as well how vulnerable you become in hospital. And how embarrassing that can be. Grown men, career women and also me can be reduced to feeling so humiliated when we have to get someone to assist us with the toilet or cry when we get a needle in our arm. Its not any easy life being stuck in bed all day!…. Unless that bed is your own, facing a large TV, takeaway on one side and wine on the other and any other erotic/private add ons you need! My god, no wonder my heart is so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last week was a wonderful inspiration yet again to keep writing Tapeworm Slim 2, which is now already 10% complete! It was a fantastically scary experience which I can only metabolise through the cathartic process of writing. But, like other people getting drunk at 3:00am and listening to moody music and getting an intoxicated stream of creative consciousness, I seem to get my best inspirations from hospital admissions!

Sometimes, joking and writing about things, or even exaggerating things through literary gore is the only way of managing emotions properly. Writing isn’t just a tool for me, its a way of life, coping and something I enjoy so much so that’s why I channel much time into it!

Blog May 6

But the political pressures, paranoia over healthcare and fear of being sick/unable to afford treatment are very real problems and something which the “arrogant, dangerous and incompetent” Sahara Scarseed saw and tried to fix with her revolutionary new pill which was going to save the NHS billions…

…Before it all went horribly wrong before her eyes!

Blog May 5

So what would save the NHS? Who is as insane as Scarseed and what could they offer our hospitals?

What if Doctor Heiter was the cheapest consultant Jeremy Hunt could find to run the NHS???!!!!!!!!!!

The UK’s first NHS centipede!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, firstly, Mr Hunt could finally afford his seven day NHS as all non urgent patients would be in hospital AND waiting in line! Simply join the back of the queue and when a bed becomes available we will unhook your mouth pop you off the line, and into that bed! Hospital food bills would come down by thousands if you only had to feed those in bed and the head of the centipede! Finally patients would be self sufficient! And if there was a winter diarrhoea bug break out, its all contained! No issues there, just pop a tray at the back!

Also, constipation is bad for the heart…. And repeatedly re-digested stools aren’t going to stick are they?

Private patients would avoid the queue and pay for a bed straight away! The rest of us simply stuck in our line, on our hands and knees, and getting sh*t directly from the person in front of us as opposed to it being fed to us via the newspapers and TV from our politicians! A political sh*t bypass!

Also, not sure how many would want to come to the hospital so patients wasting time would be down!

And hire Silent Hill nurses! They only move when there is noise! They can stand still for up to twelve hours! Just hours of standing there, not wanting a break or unsociable hours pay! Okay, all they seem to do is stick sharp objects in people and have a dislike of Sean Bean but they can administer the anti-biotics if anyone needed it and then go back to sleep standing up! You’d only need a few to manage the waiting line of conjoined people!

All this money saved Jeremy!….. Hang on…. He might be getting ideas…. He is already under pressure from the junior doctors (I fully support them!) and this may be a headline out of his NHS woes…. I could end by being the reason he decides to privatise it and give the proles the pede treatment!!!!!! I will stop going on about it now!

I have to say, I’d still rather have heart surgery than have my teeth out! Dear god that terrifies me so much I cant even write about it. I’ve had a few out in my time and it is a genuinely grotesque experience! And I was going to watch Saw 1-7 again recently but…….Nothing like a trip to theatre to ruin the love for a torture porn movie!

So I am at home  and writing again which is the one good thing to come out of this week. My third book is under way and going well. Its completely different to the first yet shares the same DNA and, I promise, wont be as gross as the first.

The first book you can buy now from the link at the top.

Blog May 7

Tapeworm Slim is on sale now!

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The importance of being different…

Satan

I always felt as a writer, “I want to do something different, even if people think I am mad or if it turns them off my ideas a little bit!”

I never wanted to work under ANOTHER stalk and slash horror… ANOTHER zombie book… ANOTHER young adult teen vampire pandering love story!

I have two rules when starting a new book. 1) An idea which jazzes me and makes me excited to sit down and write. 2) Something original which is atypical from others in the genre.

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When  wrote my first book, Bezmel’s Vespiary, it was more about coping with a difficult part of my life and writing was my way of getting through it. I was playing a lot of computer games and watching zombie films and one of the thoughts I had was to write a book which contained zombies…. But not average zombies. They had to be different from the others.

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It cant be argued that George A Romero pretty much invented the Zombie Genre with his Night of the Living Dead and the follow ups. I’ve seen them all many times and love them to bits! I’ve played resident evil games more times than is healthy! But now zombies are now everywhere! Games, clothes and even god damn teen romance films in Warm Bodies and Life After Beth. I wanted mine to be something new, plausible and containing the same DNA but a represented as a new twisted creature. So I created what were known in the book as Human Wasps. Zombie-type people who were catatonic cannibals made from systematic abuse. Bezmel, our lead protagonist, works for the CIA and tortures people for a living. When the camp is overthrown and the inmates take control, the human wasps of the Vespiary are mute, dissociated and have no neurological impulse other than to eat other people. They are zombies in everything but they are alive Yet their psychological damage is so bad, their minds so warped by horrific abuse, that they are mentally disturbed and mentally comatose. It was a new way of writing something which has been done to overkill in recent years honouring the films which I fell in love with over twenty years ago.

Inspirations come from within. Wes Craven enthused about the stories of kids dying in their sleep and the man in the hat who stared at him through his bedroom window when he was a boy. That moment alone defined one of the greatest pop culture icons of all time and also gave us one of the greatest horror films of all time. The undeniably brilliant A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984).

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Tom Six speaks of the conversation he was having with friends about the child molester who was on the news and someone said “He should have his mouth sewn to the anus of a fat truck driver!” and this created The Human Centipede. I love Tom Six. He doesn’t care what people think and he has introduced a truly demented concept into reality. His trilogy has been rubbished, banned, praised and followed by fanatics in equal measure. Yet he remains resolute in his mission to be different, dogmatic and do what he wants whatever anyone thinks because he wants to keep to his originality. Whilst I am not going to compare any films here, the directors of horror are truly special people who all have a tale to tell of what inspired them to write their stories of darkness. Not to mention the amount of darkness they keep within!

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I grew up with horror films. Writing horror and watching horror was about the only thing I enjoyed and stopped me from either killing my entire class or myself as I hated my teenage years. It was my escapism. A place where I felt scared and happy at the same time! Every Friday and Saturday night, house to myself, horror films on VHS cassette!

When not watching I was writing! I wrote stories all the time. Even drew their book covers on my desk in my room. I cant draw for toffee so don’t expect them to surface here!!! The first ever story I wrote was called “The Ghoul” and written when I was about 14 years old. It was a slasher rip off and not very good but it was inspired by Halloween, Elm Street, Friday 13th and anything else I could get to watch when my family went to bed and I could be alone with the TV. Since then I have optically consumed so many films I genuinely don’t know how many I have seen but, as with Vespiary and Tapeworm Slim, my love of horror floods my work.

Speaking of designing my own covers, this was one of the first teaser images I knocked up for Tapeworm Slim when I was off sick from work one day.

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The brilliant social media site Twitter has now given me a chance to follow (or stalk!!!) my icons of horror, Elm Street and Mr Six himself. I enviously follow them and dream of one day being a successful author who is too followed by thousands and has my work either filmed or debated by fans. My casting choices are in the previous blogs…..

I’m not as thick skinned as Mr Six, and nowhere near as commercial as Wes Craven, but I can dream. You see I struggled with reading when I was a kid. I still do at times. So I was unable to get into horror books and instead had to rely on films. Maybe its my attention span or lazy left eye but I struggle with text and it takes me an age to finish a good book. I recently, in researching Bezmel, read more text books and history of torture books than was healthy but I had to. And don’t get me started on the horrors I had to study for Tapeworm Slim. Nasty stuff indeed….

Anyway, I digress.

The reason for this blog is because last week I started work on Tapeworm Slim 2.

I don’t want  write another copy cat book. I’ve done with the lab stuff and gross experiments. I’m moving onto something new. Sahara Scarseed will still be there but she will be more background. I don’t want to overkill her. Two new villains are coming and both are despicable for different reasons. And this one is still horror, but it is more a political book which will deal on a global scale after the Shropshire/Lake District centred nightmares of The Scarseed estate and The Facility where the Tapeworm Slim pill was created. It is going to take nearly two years of my life so I have to love it and bury myself in a world and not lose interest. Writing it tough. It exhausts you and frustrates you as much as it thrills and excites! So I don’t want to churn out something copycat. I want the sequel to be a completely different beast to the first but contain the blood line which made the first book so special to me.

When Tom Six created the notorious Centipede 2 it went meta! A truly bold and brave move for a sequel and I have to applaud him for such a brilliant and original idea! His first film inspires a mad man! The sequel is a real life nightmare of the first!

Some sequels don’t work. The nightmare of Elm Street 2 was more disaster than scary. Watch the brilliant Never Sleep Again documentary to see just how the cast and crew felt it wasn’t going right and ended up as a confusing mess. Many sequels are inferior. From Jaws 2, Halloween 2 to even some of the recent sequels of Sinister 2 it is a hit and miss affair trying to recapture the magic of the first. Take the SAW franchise. I loved the films but felt, after the first, the sequels were hit and miss and only really thrilled me when part6 came around with its social commentary on the American healthcare system.

Sequels are stories. They carry on the saga. They should not be cash ins.

Therefore, I always had a vision for Tapeworm Slim and after the claustrophobia of the first book, its time for mass market and political thriller as Scarseed’s nightmare hits the shops. Its different, exciting and I am loving writing it already.

Many people have said they wont read Tapeworm Slim because they feel it is too gross! That is a good start to me as its connecting with a fear and causing revulsion and challenging! I am thrilled about that! A biological horror story which s really pushing tolerances. The main inspiration for the book, as listed in the preface, was my time in hospital in 2014 and how scared I was at the time. Yet the book was also inspired by my research into eating disorders, the proliferation of diets and the clients I have dealt over the years who struggle with their self concepts and self esteems from how they look. It also comes from my own insecurities and, having grown up in a female household  and worked with mostly women, dieting has been something I have been exposed to for years. And social media is creating as many problems as it claims it is solving……

Tapeworm 2 is a long way off yet! Many things will change before it comes out and the story will be shaped my multiple inspirations and events just like the first one!

But although it is inspired by real and fictional events, it needs to be different! I need to keep it original because its my own work and whatever happens to my books, laughed at, ignored, bought in millions, discovered by a few who are browsing a website or WHATEVER path they take…

…I want them to have ME proudly stamped all over their content and for them to be known as different and unique.

So please, whether you have a Kindle or just read paperbacks and like horror, head over to Amazon and check it out.

Tummy75

TAPEWORM SLIM is on sale now!